Operation: Goodwill Plundering
by Startail
Summary: Kanda and Lenalee always receive terrible Christmas gifts. This year with the help of Lavi and Allen they hope to turn this trend around. With the four of them together fun and shenanigans ensue and they quickly gather the whole Order into their crazy plans. For guilty-innocence-dgm on tumblr for the 2016 DGM Secret Santa.


Hello. The chapter for my other fic will be up before the new year. This year for the DGM Secret Santa on tumbler I had the joy of creating a story with Kanda, Allen, Lavi, and Lenalee having fun together for tumbler user guilty-innocence-dgm. I had a lot of fun with this prompt and I hope everyone enjoys. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

* * *

Lenalee weaved her way through the crowd in the cafeteria. The place was always busier during the holidays and most people, including the exorcists, were given as much time off as possible. While it was nice to have so many people fill the Order it made getting around common spaces much more difficult. She dodged around a finder with her food tray and sent a reassuring smile towards him. The man apologized profusely but it wasn't his fault the cafeteria was so crowded. With her food now safe she made a beeline for the only empty table in the cafeteria and sat down next to a fiercely scowling Kanda.

"Thanks for saving us a table, Kanda." she chirped happily as Lavi settled on the bench in front of Kanda. He was always good at clearing tables during the holidays.

"Yeah, Yu. Thanks for the table. The cafeteria is crowded today."

Kanda lunged across the table to swipe Mugen at the redhead but was stopped by a fierce pull on his uniform from Lenalee and a frown on her face. "No fighting at the table, guys."

"Don't call me that." Kanda said grumpily settling back into his seat and mumbled, "I wasn't saving a table for anyone."

Allen and his mountain of food settled down next to Lavi as Kanda resumed eating his soba with angry clacks of his chopsticks. He gave Kanda a curious look before saying hello and digging wholeheartedly into his meal.

"I'm glad that you found a table," Allen said between mouthfuls of food.

"Thank Kanda, Allen." Lenalee giggled at Kanda's angry tch. "It's so busy because of the holidays coming up. They decorate the cafeteria too, at some point."

"Oh they really decorate the place?"

"Mhmm. Not until closer to the holidays though." Lenalee said smiling and Lavi chimed in, "The decorations look good too."

"You get to celebrate with us this year, Allen. It will be fun."

Allen smiled at her and proceeded to wolf down an entire dish of food before answering, "I'm looking forward to it."

Lenalee's and Lavi's response was cut off by the sound of a storage box being pried open. Lenalee halted what she was doing, fork suspended in mid air and an excited gleam entered Lavi's eye. She paled and slowly set her fork down on her plate and mumbled, "I thought we had more time."

She had been so busy searching for a place to sit that she had ignored the boxes of Christmas decorations taking up space in the crowded cafeteria.

"More time?" Allen asked around another plate of food. "I thought you said they wouldn't decorate for awhile?"

"I forgot the date," she said horrified. They had all just gotten back from separate missions and hadn't she double checked the date. If they were decorating then that meant that it was ten days until Christmas.

Allen stopped eating to stare at the three of them in confusion. Lavi looked excited. Excited in the way that always promised fun and trouble. Kanda and Lenalee were a different matter. Both of them had gone extremely pale as Order members began decorating the cafeteria and looked like they were going to die. The look that they gave each other screamed, 'oh shit.'

"I'm confused. Why do you two look like you're going to die?"

"It's Christmas." Kanda tells him in a tone that suggests he should already know why and Lenalee parrots his response in a despairing tone.

"Aren't you supposed to be happy?" Allen gave up on his food, pushing it away. "You were happy not long ago." He couldn't understand why they had gone from happy to despairing so fast.

"You see here, Moyashi…" Lavi said taking pity on the confused exorcist. "They would be happy; but, those two get some of the worst gifts I have ever seen."

"You mean gifts like that creepy room Komui decorated for Lenalee?"

Kanda grimaced and Lenalee frowned. "We don't talk about that." she mumbled. Kanda nodded in agreement as the table descended into silence.

Allen knew that Komui could go a little overboard but he didn't think that both Tiedoll's and Komui's gifts could be that bad. "Isn't it the thought that counts?" Allen said weakly.

"Not with them," Lenalee sighs and Kanda snaps out a, "Quiet, Moyashi."

"Its Allen, Bakanda." Kanda glared at him.

"We need to find and take those presents," Lenalee says, diffusing the brewing fight. "I don't want another chastity belt or Komui pillow for Christmas."

She looks cautiously around the cafeteria as Kanda agrees with her. You never knew when Komui might be spying on her. "Meet me on the 15th floor, room 13, in 15 minutes. Don't let anyone follow you. Lavi, bring Allen so that he doesn't get lost."

They all agreed and Lenalee hurried out of the cafeteria, followed by a grumpy Kanda a few minutes later.

"Well that's our que. Come one, Allen. Let's go." Lavi said pulling him away from the remains of his food and out into the hallway.

"Are the presents really that bad?"

"Allen," Lavi said turning to face him at the top of a flight of stairs. "I wouldn't lie. They are some of the worst and most embarrassing gifts that I have ever seen."

"They mentioned finding and taking the presents. What did they mean by that?"

"Exactly that, Moyashi." They went up another long flight of stairs. "They try to steal them every year. It's basically a competition between them and whoever they are allied with."

"Competition?"

"Not really, but it's basically what it has turned into over the years. Komui. Tiedoll and their allies hide and protect the presents while we try to find them. It's a lot of fun and most of the Order picks sides." Lavi ignored Allen's flabbergasted look and continued, "We're a little behind this year because of our missions. That's what they were freaking out about. They haven't won yet; but, the last two years have been our best attempts yet. But with you-," Lavi eyed Allen at the top of the landing, "We should be able to beat them this year."

Lenalee and Kanda were already in the room when they arrived, arguing over plans and previous failed attempts. The room was a mess of old plans scrawled across various blackboards and old equipment. A grappling hook and something that looked suspiciously like a miniature cannon sat innocently in a dusty corner. Allen eyed it wearily, it looked like it might still work and he didn't want to find out.

"They use the same room every year." Lavi whispered helpfully and led him farther into the room. That explained the mess and Allen belatedly realized that meant that at one point they had used everything in this room and wondered why they had needed a miniature cannon in the first place.

"Alright," Lenalee said catching sight of them. "Now that everyone is here we can start making our plans." She wiped a blackboard clean and scrawled across the top _Operation_ : _Goodwill Plundering VIII_ so hard that the chalk broke and turned to them with a manic gleam in her eyes. "This year we are going to beat Komui!"

All of them, even Kanda, backed away from her. The gleam in her eye was eerily reminiscent of her brother's when he was doing something crazy. They all nodded in agreement anyways and watched as she turned back to the board and wrote their names.

"Lavi," she said turning to point the broken chalk at him. "You're on intelligence."

There was a shout of "Yes" from Lavi and Allen watched as Lenalee turned to write intelligence next to his name, underlining it twice with broad excited strokes.

"You need to find the location of the presents and any information regarding its defenses. We'll need the information to plan our attacks."

"You got it, Lenalee." Lavi said fidgeting in excitement.

Allen was beginning to think that they were getting way in too deep when Lenalee broke the chalk again in her excitement. Kanda joined her at the board and Allen stared apprehensively at his name. This entire operation sounded a lot like trouble.

Kanda pointed at him and Allen contemplated running away. There was no way that Kanda would ever give him a nice assignment. "Moyashi, you're going to use your idiotic looking face to find out what they got us."

"What?"

"Exactly what Kanda said," Lenalee told him, raising an eyebrow at Kanda. "Minus the idiot part. We thought that they might tell you if you tried talking to them. That way we know exactly what to look for. Please, Allen."

Allen nodded yes in agreement. He did not want to wind up on the wrong end of her boots. Kanda huffed his acknowledgment and Lenalee smiled. "Thank you, Allen!"

"I'll be garnering support in the science department." Lenalee said. Breaking yet another piece of chalk. "I'll be asking them to keep Komui busy and to find out what he is working on. I also think that the cleaning staff are still our allies from last year." She frowned in thought. "I think they were mad at the mess we made though… so i'll go and check to make sure." Kanda looked away and Lenalee chuckled sheepishly in response.

"What is Kanda doing?" Allen asked, not entirely sure how the grumpy swordsman fit into their somewhat stealthy plans.

"He'll be Komurin hunting." Lenalee happily supplied and Kanda brushed his fingers against Mugen's hilt in anticipation. "While we're doing our stuff Kanda will be destroying all of my brothers crazy robots." Lenalee smiled and said teasingly, "It also keeps him busy so he cant anger our allies and make them switch sides."

"That was one time, Lena," he groused, crossing his arms and turning away in a huff of angry embarrassment.

"I know, Kanda. I know." she laughed and patted his arm and Kanda sniffed in response, pulling away from her.

"Anyways, today is the 15th of December. You have until the 22nd to do what you need to do. We'll plan our attack with the information on the 23rd." Lenalee hurriedly wiped another board clean. "We attack on the 24th!" she exclaimed excitedly, circling the giant 24 she wrote on the board. "That way they won't have time to replace the gifts," she wiped the chalk dust off her hands, mutilated chalk back in its holster. "Everyone good?"

Everyone nodded in agreement and Lenalee slammed her hand against the blackboard, shouting in excitement, "Operation: Goodwill Plundering VIII is a go!"

Lavi was bubbling in excitement next to him, shuffling a small stack of papers with all of his intel on it. Allen felt inadequate sitting next to him and the smug, satisfied smirk that Kanda wore while polishing Mugen.

"Sorry I'm late." Lenalee said swooping into the room, a tray of mugs balanced in one hand. "I brought drinks and I had to make sure that my brother didn't follow me."

"That's okay, Lenalee. We can start now." Lavi said, gladly accepting a mug.

"Thanks." Kanda mumbled while accepting the mug of green tea, different from the mugs of hot chocolate she had brought for them.

"So I found out that Komui's got his normal traps this year. So watch out for potions, darts, spring traps, and anything new he may have built. The science department tried to keep him busy so they don't think he made anything new. But… its brother so you never know." Lenalee giggled. "I don't think we want a repeat of Kanda's cat tail from last year."

"I hate cats." Kanda grumbled moodily into his tea. Allen was positive now that he had gotten into something that he would rather have stayed out of.

"Lavi, what did you find?"

"The presents are in a secret room on the 9th floor. It can only be accessed by using a hatch on the floor above." Lenalee looked at him hopefully. "The only way in is through the hatch since all of the walls have been reinforced to withstand innocence. I think you and Allen can bust through the hatch with your innocence if you work together."

"That's good news, Lavi. Allen, what did you find?" Lenalee asked.

"Nothing," he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "They knew I was helping you." He could still remember the look Komui gave him when he asked what everyone else had gotten Lenalee for Christmas so he could get some ideas. Komui had settled into the Gendo pose, light flaring off his glasses and said, "I don't think you should be asking questions like that, Allen. Someone might get the wrong idea." Allen had fled and he was positive the crazy man was stalking him.

"It's okay, Allen." Lenalee sighed, "It was worth a shot." Kanda tched and she glared at him. Allen thought this whole thing was crazy at this point, even Cross didn't give shitty gifts.

"How did your part go, Yu?" Lavi asked.

"Don't call me that!" Kanda spat and then hunkered down smugly in his seat. "I got seven of Komui's stupid robots."

"Seven?" Allen exclaimed. "How many does he build?"

"More than he should." Lenalee said darkly and Lavi added, "I think that's a new record for the operation."

"Either way, they're gone now. Good job, Kanda. But are you sure that you got them all?"

"Yes" Kanda hissed and Lenalee let it go. She could have sworn that the science department thought that he had built eight of them but she could be remembering wrong or misheard.

"For our assault I want Kanda and Allen to create a distraction and I don't want to hear any complaints. You two would make the most natural distraction and no one would be that suspicious. Jerry said that the cafeteria is available for that." Kanda sighed in annoyance and Lenalee continued, "While you create a distraction Lavi and I will disable all of the traps we can find. You two will come join us as soon as you can slip away."

"We'll wear our exorcists uniforms to help protect us from Komui's traps." Lavi added. "We also got new communicators from the science department. They don't use the Order's channels so they can't listen to us."

Lenalee nodded at his words. "Timcanpy can help with the distraction, Allen, and he can be our look out if you can find him. I haven't seen him around lately."

"Probably with Cross." Allen surmised, taking the radio and clipping it to his ear. "Will our distraction last long enough?"

"Mhmm." Lenalee said clipping her radio on too. "Some of the other departments are going to cause distractions at timed intervals after the one that you guy's create."

"Oh…" Allen said gently. This operation had gotten larger than he ever thought it would. Lavi laughed at his expression and Kanda smirked.

"This isn't even the biggest offensive that we've done. We'll win this year though!"

"Lenalee's right. It's going to be fun." Lavi said enthusiastically. "We're saving Christmas and everyone from secondhand embarrassment!"

Allen sighed and hoped the operation went smoothly. He wanted out of this crazy idea as soon as possible.

"Kanda, Allen, are you in position?" Lenalee's voice crackled through the communicator and Allen sighed. This plan was so over the top and he wasn't even sure what they were going to do for a distraction. Probably start a fight he supposed but wasn't sure.

Kanda gave him a curt nod, surveying the packed cafeteria. Allen sighed again and activated the radio. "Kanda and I are in position. Jerry's given us the thumbs up to go."

"Good. We're getting into position now. We need Komui to see us when you start your distraction to make it look normal and then we'll leave."

"We'll commence the operation in five minutes. Stand by." Lavi said falling into position.

Allen eyed the crowd wearily but continued eating his food. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be able to eat anything later. Link watched him from across the cafeteria, off on a different assignment for central over the holidays. Allen was at least relieved to know that Link wouldn't be dragged into all of this with them,

"Commencing Operation: Goodwill Plundering VIII in five. Lenalee do the honors." Lavi quivered in anticipation.

"Alright guy's. 5...!"

"4…"

"3…"

"2…"

"1!"

As soon as Lenalee hit one Kanda slammed his chopsticks down and glared at Allen. "You eat like a disgusting pig, Moyashi!"

"I do not and it's Allen, Bakanda!"

"You look like a moyashi with that white hair of yours." Kanda stood up hands inching towards Mugen, all eyes on them. "Where'd you learn your manner? The streets?"

Allen stood up in anger and shouted, "At least I don't look like a girl and I have more manners than you!"

"I do not, Moyashi and I definitely have more manners than you!"

"No. You. Don't!" Allen shouted and in his frustration grabbed one of his full plates of food and threw it at Kanda.

Kanda's eyes went wide and he dodged the dish. It collided with a squelch into Timothy's face, who had turned around to watch the fight. There was a moment of silence as Allen's eyes widened in shock at what he had done before Timothy reacted. Klaude tried to stop him, but the nine year-old had already launched his food in the air.

Kanda and Allen dove out of the way and watched it collide into the face of an older finder. "You little brat!" he shouted, jumping to his feet while Timothy hurled another dish. In less then a second the cafeteria had descended into a food fight.

Komui and the generals were trying unsuccessfully to curb the fight. Allen was still in shock at the chaos they had created when Kanda grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to his feet. "Come on, Moyashi. We need to get out of here."

Lavi's voice crackled over the radio. "Nice distraction guy's. We've got almost all of the traps disabled" Lenalee's voice carried over Lavi's radio. "Careful Lavi there is a trap there. I didn't know you were going to start a food fight."

"We didn't either," Kanda grumbled looking pointedly at Allen. Lenalee could hear him chuckling sheepishly over the radio. "We're almost to you."

"Okay. Be careful. We might have missed a trap."

They had only missed one trap and Kanda and Allen quickly dodged the potion vial that fell from the ceiling. They eyed the cloud of gas it had released wearily and quickly moved away. Neither of them wanted to figure out what Komui's strange concoction did.

They hastily joined Lavi and Lenalee at the entrance to the secret room. "Yeah you're here, Allen. I think we can break this open if we attack it like we did that level four."

Timcanpy flew out of Allen's coat sleeve while they set up for the attack. "There you are Tim. Can you keep watch?" Tim grinned and flew off and Allen turned back towards Lenalee. "Ready when you are."

"Alright, Allen. Here I go." She activated her boots and vaulted into the air, lucky that the Order's ceiling were so high, even in the rooms. Lenalee crashed down onto his sword. Allen's hold on the sword shook and the floor trembled. The door had bent a little under the blow and Lenalee launched up for another attack.

"Hurry up." Kanda hissed.

"The science division just launched their distraction. That's the third one and there are only two smaller ones left." Lavi added.

Lenalee crashed into the sword again and the door bowed inwards.

"Come on Lenalee. One more blow!" Allen shouted holding the sword in position.

Lenalee's next attack shook the entire floor and the door caved in with a giant crash. Dust stirred in the air and Kanda coughed, turning to give them a glare. Lenalee shrugged at him and laughed, deactivating her boots to land next to him.

"Awesome!" Lavi shouted. "Let's go get those presents."

They jumped down into the room and Allen was amazed at the amount of presents hidden in the room.

"They are not Tiedoll's and Komui's. " Lenalee said giggling. "They hide gifts for anyone who asks. They are also very organized so it should be pretty easy to find the gifts.

She pranced away, skirt swaying, already searching for her presents. Kanda looked smug as he joined them with a bag full of Tiedoll's supposedly bad gifts. Lavi was cataloging the entire room with interest, checking some of the meticulously wrapped presents. Lenalee cackled maniacally like her brother as she stuffed his mountain of gifts into bags.

Lavi and Allen watched her in concern but Kanda turned and made his way toward the exit. "Leave her. She's just as weird as her brother." He waited for them up top and helped haul Lenalee's bags out of the room.

"You're all crazy!" Allen shouted, running after them as they went to go hide their plunder.

"We know!" Lenalee happily shouted back.

Kanda gently shoved her into a wall as they ran and scowled. "Speak for yourself, not us, idiot."

"That was fun." Lenalee said later after they had hidden the presents and moved to an unused study. Allen wasn't sure it had been fun; more like absurd. But, it had been amusing, to say the least.

Komui and Tiedoll had burst in on their get together, crying about how cruel the world was and that their presents were stolen. The group had feigned innocence and after much prompting got the two adults to leave albeit, unhappy that they had been foiled and that the score of the 'competition' was now 1-7. Completely forgetting that they had six more wins than Kanda and Lenalee.

"Lenalee's right. That was fun. You should have seen your face when the food fight started, Allen. It was hilarious."

They all laughed except Allen, who grimaced. "I didn't mean to start a food fight, Lavi. Won't the staff be mad?"

"No" Kanda said and Lenalee agreed.

"Last year we destroyed at least three floors in a fight with a Komurin. This year the damage was tame." Lavi admitted.

The next morning Kanda and Lenalee were happy to receive normal, non-embarrassing gifts. None of the staff seemed to hold a grudge over the clean up and for that Allen was grateful.

"Here you go, brat." Cross said dumping two presents into Allen's lap. "The red one's for Christmas and the white one for your birthday. Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, idiot apprentice."

"Thank you." Allen said, cautiously opening his birthday present. He wasn't used to so many people watching their gift exchange. He sighed in relief when he opened it to find a new ribbon and a set of textbooks, the equivalent to another year of school. Cross may call him an idiot, but he hadn't raised him to be stupid and uneducated.

After opening a perfectly normal birthday gift Allen opened his Christmas gift without much worry. The debt notices he was expecting, since they weren't in his other gift. He was not expecting a full pass to a brothel and turned bright red in embarrassment. "Master, I don't want this!"

"Of course you do. You're sixteen now." Kanda leans over his shoulder and looks at the gift that Allen is desperately trying to hide and turns just as red, backing away. Cross smirks and continues, "Plus I was told that bad gifts were tradition around here."

Lenalee and Lavi laugh at his flustered face and Kanda is still too embarrassed to say anything; but, Allen knows it will come later. "I don't think they meant this, Master." Allen sighs.

Tiedoll sends Cross a disappointed glare. He was known to give inappropriate gifts before, especially to Lenalee and Kanda and Tiedoll thought he might have learned not to by now. Cross always did enjoy winding up their guardians. They could deal with it too because he had raised Allen perfectly fine, even with his antics in his opinion. "Let's just move on." Allen says wincing and Kanda agrees.

"Here, Lenalee. I got you a gift." Allen says cheerfully pulling a present out of his coat.

"Thank you, Allen." Lenalee says happily, taking the gift out of his hands to the horror of a twitching Komui.

"Rest in peace, Allen." Lavi finally tells him and Komui looks likes he's having a seizure.

"Huh. Why?"

Kanda says one word and smirks, "Komurin."

"I thought you said you destroyed them all?" Allen asks, backing away from Komui and his deranged look. Next year he vowed to wholeheartedly join the operation and steal any presents Cross may have gotten him. He'd also make sure he was the one to destroy the Komurins and wouldn't make the mistake of giving Lenalee a gift in public. That is, if he lived to make it to next year.

"Get back here you octopus head!" Komui screamed as a Komurin burst through the wall.

"Kanda!" Lenalee wailed in despair. There weren't supposed to be any Komurins at Christmas this year.

"Tch. I wanted to see if the idiot really would be stupid enough to give you a gift in front of your brother."

"You were right…" Lavi sighed, slapping coins into Kanda's out stretched hand, "You win the bet."

"Help me!" Allen wailed dodging the Komurin's claws while Komui cackled maniacally. Kanda gleefully pulled out Mugen and stalked towards the robot. Lenalee just sighed.

"I hope you had a fun Christmas." Cross told Lenalee and Lavi, leaving the room. "Let me know if the idiot lives."

"We did." Lenalee told him brightly and went to go help stop Komui and his creation, plunging into the fray with a laugh. Afterall, it really wasn't Christmas without, family, friends, komurins, destruction, and present stealing.


End file.
